Dor / Missing

Mi-e dor de el, infiorator de dor, in fiecare clipa, ziua si noaptea, cand dorm, cand respir, cand plang, cand rad. Mi-e dor, cu toate ca nu l-am cunoscut niciodata, nu l-am strans in brate, nu l-am sarutat, nu i-am pregatit hainutele, nu i-am mirosit varful capului, sa ma imbat cu mirosul si sa imi dea energia vitala de zi cu zi. Mi-e dor de el si de sentimentul ala pe care mi-l dadea, ca nimic nu mai conteaza daca suntem amandoi, ca traiesc cu el si numai pentru el, ca m-am nascut sa-i fiu aproape, sa il protejez, sa il iubesc, sa il rasfat, sa il fac mare.

Sursa foto

Mi-e dor, si dorul doare si erodeaza si nu pleaca. El a plecat, nici n-am simtit, nici n-am stiut, de parca anestezia ar fi fost facuta dinaintea plecarii sale, si dureaza si acum.

Mi-e dor sa il ascund, in suflet si in trup, sa fie secretul meu cel dulce si frumos, speranta mea, viitorul meu. Mi-e dor sa il visez, sa imi fac planuri pentru el, sa ii fac promisiuni pe care stiu foarte bine ca nu le voi putea respecta. Mi-e dor sa cred ca nu voi mai fi singura niciodata, mi-e dor de singuranta si de lipsa de temeri pe care mi-o dadea. Mi-e dor sa fiu cea mai puternica femeie din lume, pentru el.

Mi-e dor sa nu-mi mai fie dor.

***

I miss him, terribly, every moment, day and night, when I sleep, when I breathe, when I cry, when I laugh. I miss him, even though I have never met him, never held him, never kissed him, never prepared his clothes, never smelled the top of his head, to be imbued with his scent and to give me vital daily energy. I miss him and that feeling he gave me, that nothing matters if we are together, that I live with him and only for him, that I was born to be close to him, to protect him, to love him, to spoil him, to make him great.

I miss, and the longing hurts and erodes and doesn't go away. He's gone, I didn't even feel it, I didn't even know it, as if the anesthesia was done before he left, and it lasts now.

I long to hide him, in my soul and in my body, to be my sweet and beautiful secret, my hope, my future. I miss dreaming of him, making plans for him, making promises to him that I know I can't keep. I miss believing that I will never be alone again, I miss the safety and lack of fear he gave me. I miss being the strongest woman in the world for him.

I miss not missing him anymore.